Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
