dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Is this like a preordered booty call?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
