so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
