The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
