just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
