I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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