Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
