my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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