This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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