We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
