spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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