apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
