girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
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He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
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It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize