he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
