he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
