I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
