I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
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He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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