I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
