i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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