Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
40s are totally the cure
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
