it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
