she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
