i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i drank out of a bidet.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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