Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
