Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
