Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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