I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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