It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
