I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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