I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
