super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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