Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
