very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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