Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
