i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
she looked like the before picture.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize