I hate your face
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
