It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
