Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize