I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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