We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I party with great urgency now.
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