He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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