Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
