Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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