Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
