Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
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The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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