I am midnight drunk by noon
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize