"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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