gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
