I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
