Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Randomize
