I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
