apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
