this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
