do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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