I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
