I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
