Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
