Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
