I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
