Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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