Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
