I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
im holly from the hills drunk
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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