Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
