Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
