he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
that is very illegal...i love you.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
