I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
