Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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