I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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