Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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