fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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