i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
