I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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