I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
