Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
