I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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