I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
