8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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